Monday, October 3, 2011
Blog 2. Contradiction.
Contradictions are statements that denies another or itself. Of many school policies, one of the school policy is not to eat or drink in classrooms and hallways. But by placing beverage machines in schools it contradicts the policy of not drinking in school hours, and leads students get a can of Coca Cola, etc. For instance, "Allow students to bring Coke products into the classrooms, he suggested (Bushey); move Coke machines to places where they would be accesible to students all day." This statement is a contradiction because knowing that students are not allowed to drink in class or in school hours, promoters kept placing advertisements and beverage machines in schools, hallways, and classrooms (Schlosser 57). Allowing students buy or drink Coca Cola, teas, fuit juices and bottle of water from these beverage machines, contradicts school policies.
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Carol, I love the fact that you have all these great ideas. However, I don’t quite understand where you are coming from or attempting to go with this. I understand the contradiction you are stating but your support or examples aren’t strong enough for the reader to understand what you are saying. Maybe, as a suggestion you can give an example from the book where they actually explain this contradiction a bit more which would be in Chapter two of Fast Food Nation. Now we move on to the specifics. I noticed that you just threw a quote into this paragraph without any citations at all. With that being said, there were no topic sentences or topic sentence that actually state what anything was going to be discussing in the paragraph. You just explained what the word of the assignment we were doing was. Therefore, you the writer need to explain in a sentence or two or a decent number of your choice what your take on contradiction is and give a brief example of where you found it in the book like what we discussed in class on Monday. Then you did not introduce your quote what so ever, you just dropped it on the reader. I myself was a confused when I saw this. In addition, you did not paraphrase the quote, only explained how it was a contradiction. I love the fact that that you explained your word, context definition, but I would strongly suggest paraphrasing what this quote you dropped on us meant or basically what is it saying in a sentence or two. So overall, I would strongly recommend you to revise this entire paragraph. Take about a half an hour or so to come up with an awesome topic sentence. Keep you context definition of the word contradiction. Remember to cite where you got this dropped quote from. Introduce your quote to the reader in a sentence or two. You can say something like “In the book F.F.N. by E.S, Schools rules and regulation suggest that students not drink or eat in classrooms however schools suddenly want to allow….”. Something to that extent would be in my opinion a bit clearer. You can definitely alter that to however you want it or even come up with your own little thing. Also your last sentences are you sure you want to say that the beverage machines contradict themselves. Otherwise that about all I have to suggest.
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